Fullmetal Alchemist and Another Exhausted Cliché
by Kesiah
Summary: Two new State Alchemists appear on the scene. How will the FMA characters react? A parody fic taking a look at common clichés.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**: As you might have guessed, this is a parody fic that pokes some harmless fun at some of the over-used fanfic ideas in Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction. I didn't write this to make fun of anyone in particular, only to provide some amusement for myself and others.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own the characters or basic plot of the anime, Fullmetal Alchemist. I do, however, claim ownership of the fictional character Kesiah, who is extremely loosely based on myself. Camudekyu owns the character of the same name and it was with her help that this whole thing started. There, you know who to blame now.

- - - - -

**Chapter One**

"I can't believe that jerk has the nerve to call us in when we're so close to finding more information on the Philosopher's Stone! Doesn't he know how long it took for us to find that little hint that lead us there in the first place? We can't waste time running stupid missions for him now!" Edward Elric ranted, gesticulating wildly as he stomped towards Central Headquarters.

"Well he does have the right, Brother! He's your superior after all. Besides, the Colonel makes sure that we have plenty of time to ourselves otherwise, so I don't think one mission every now and then is too bad a price." Alphonse Elric paused and looked around. "Though, I do wonder why he called us to Central. Isn't he supposed to be in East City?" The lack of reply made Alphonse look around to see his brother some distance ahead, still caught up in his own ranting. "Ahh! Brother! Wait for me!" he cried, running to catch up with his sibling.

- - - - -

Edward kept up his ranting the entire way to Colonel Mustang's office, despite numerous stares from other military personnel. This perhaps should have been the first sign that something was amiss – well, that and the fact that Colonel Mustang should have been in East HQ – but Edward didn't notice. Possibly because he was too busy ranting.

"What does he want now? Jackass Colonel, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind when I get in there!" And with that, Edward flung open the office door, but stopped as he noticed that Mustang wasn't alone. There was a young girl there as well, a very attractive young girl. So attractive, in fact, that Edward felt that he needed to take the time to notice every little detail about her and describe it at length.

The girl looked around his age, with dark, chocolate-brown eyes that drew him towards them and were filled with hidden mysteries and a strange sadness. Her oval face was framed by her long, dark hair that fell to her slim waist. Small pieces of her hair curled against the pale skin of her neck and Edward longed to reach over and brush them away, just so that he could allow his fingers to glide over her porcelin flesh. Her petite form was clad in a flowing white dress that managed to fit perfectly to her modest curves. Edward blushed as he found his eyes drawn to the thigh-high slit in the side of her skirt, a detail Mustang seemed interested in as well. Around her neck hung a simple silver pendant, a Japanese symbol that meant 'angel', though Edward then wondered how he knew this, as there was certainly no such place as 'Japan' in his world.

A soft chime brought his attention back to the girl before him, and he noticed that she wore tiny bells on her earrings and on an anklet around her left foot. Elegant, white gloves hid her hands from view, though Edward could still see how long and delicate they were, a fact emphasised by the bracelets she wore on her right forearm, three jade and two silver in an alternating pattern. The bracelets also matched the silver and jade belt that clinched around her tiny waist.

But the thing that surprised Edward about her the most – aside from the fact that he was having to spend so much time describing her – was her height, for she was a couple of inches shorter than he was.

"Ahh, here he is now," Colonel Mustang said, noticing that Ed was finished with his lengthy description. "Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist."

The girl's dark eyes widened at that and her pretty mouth curved into a smile. "You're the Fullmetal Alchemist?" she asked. "I've heard so much about you!"

"Edward, this is Kesiah Seraphina Amaya, the Kashou Tenshi Alchemist." Mustang continued, though he has a little difficulty with the foreign words.

This snapped Edward out of his daze. "The what Alchemist?" he asked, wrenching his eyes away from Kesiah with an almost audible pop.

"The Kashou Tenshi Alchemist," Kesiah said happily, apparently deciding to ignore the fact that Japanese didn't exist here. "It means 'Singing Angel'. It's because I have a special alchemic power in my voice!"

Edward and Mustang stared at her for a bit.

"Moving right along," Mustang finally murmured before clearing his throat and continuing. "Kesiah is going to be your new partner, Edward."

"What? But why? I don't need a partner," Edward protested. "Al and I are going just fine in our research! Besides, what makes you think she would be any help?"

Kesiah gasped at this and tears welled up in her chocolate tinted orbs – the word 'eyes' was much too plain for her unique appearance – and she stared at Edward accusingly, despite the fact that he had a rather good reason for questioning Mustang's decision.

"Despite her age, Kesiah is one of the most skilled alchemists I've ever met," Mustang said, wondering why it seemed like every teenaged girl they came across had better alchemy than adults who had been perfecting their skills for years. "Not to mention she's been researching the Philosopher's Stone herself. You might do well to combine your knowledge and work together."

"She's researching the Philosopher's Stone?" Edward asked incredulously. "So, let me get this straight." He took a deep breath before continuing. "A female alchemist that you claim is one of the best alchemists you've ever seen, yet neither of us has ever heard of before, turns up of her own accord for no known reason and claims to know at least as much about the Philosopher's Stone as Al and I do, and you don't find this supicious at all?"

"No," Colonel Mustang said calmly, sorting through the papers on his desk. "It's been happening all the time lately."

Edward felt his annoyance subside. "Well, you've got that right."

Kesiah, obviously feeling that the attention had been away from her for too long, emitted a choked sob and cried, "I-if you didn't want me to work with you could have just said so!" and fled the room, leaving behind some highly sparkly shoujo teardrops.

"What just happened?" Edward asked, looking confused. "Didn't I pretty much agree to let her join Al and I?"

Mustang glared at him and half rose from his chair. "I'm surprised at you, Ed! You have no understanding of women!" he said, apparently having experienced a complete personality change in the space of a few moments. "Kesiah is a kind and gentle person and you have no right to take your own cynical views out on her! You even made her cry!" He raised one hand in a familiar threatening gesture. "Well, I have news for you, Fullmetal. Kesiah is going to work with you, regardless of what you think. And if anything should happen to her..." he trailed off meaningfully.

"Alright! I get it!" Edward snapped. "I'll go apologise."

"See to it you do."

- - - - -

Tears streamed down Kesiah's porcelin cheeks as she fled Central Headquarters and rushed out onto the streets, narrowly avoiding being run over by two cars.

"How could Edward be so mean to me?" she sobbed aloud, as she was prone to saying everything as it passed through her pretty – yet empty – head. "All I want to do is find the Philosopher's Stone like he does, what's so wrong about that? Does he hate me? Am I not pretty enough?" she continued, so distraught over the matter that she didn't even notice anything was unusual until she almost tripped over a prone figure on the road leading away from Central. Of course, this raises the matter of how in the world Kesiah managed to run all the way through Central in the space of a few moments, but we can't let details like that worry us now, as we have some very important description to get through.

The figure on the road was obviously female, with long honey brown hair and auburn highlights which seemed to be like spun gold where the sun hit them, all pulled back into a high ponytail. Her skin was the type of dark tan that suggested a healthy outdoor life, and her lean, muscular body gave further testimony to that observation. A tiny, black micro mini-skirt just barely covered her curvy hips and showed off her long, slender legs, clad in black fishnet panty-hose and knee-high, black, lace-up boots. A black corset top with gold ribbon lacing hugged her flat, toned stomach and cradled her ample cleavage. To Kesiah's surprise, she noticed that the girl had cute, little, black cat ears poking through her hair. They were bedecked with tiny gold earrings which matched the golden bands that covered her arms from elbow to wrist, and Kesiah then noticed that she also had a long black tail, also decorated with golden bands. A long golden ribbon completed the outfit, tied in a cute bow around the girl's neck.

"Your description is almost as long as mine!" Kesiah gushed happily. "You must be someone important!"

At this, the girl raised her head from where it had been buried in the dirt road and revealed a stunningly beautiful face with eyes of soulful brown instead of the normal, slightly dirty face other people would have had.

"My name is Jennifer Camudekyu," she said with a great sadness in her voice. "Please help me to get away from here." A single, silent tear escaped the corner of her right eye and slid gracefully down the soft skin of her cheek.

"Oh no! You're bleeding!" Kesiah exclaimed, for she had suddenly noticed a pool of blood underneath the girl, something that she had somehow overlooked when she first met her.

"What's going on?" Edward asked, having also managed to travel through the entire city in a few moments, in order to arrive at the right dramatic moment.

"Brother! This girl's hurt!" Alphonse said, stating the obvious.

"You're right, Al!" Edward said, finally noticing the spreading pool of blood. He wondered why the girl hadn't actually bleed to death, what with no one actually trying to stop the bleeding, but decided he didn't want to know. "We'd better get her to hospital."

Alphonse nodded and knelt to scoop up the suddenly unconcious catgirl. Once he had her settled in his arms, still bleeding all over his armor, the group set off for the hospital.

- - - - -

"She's a very lucky girl, Mr. Elric," the doctor stated. "Normally if someone were to bring an injured chimera into us for treatment, we'd contact the Military, and they'd send over someone to either capture or kill it. But we didn't feel like doing that today, so we fixed your friend up instead."

For some reason, that made perfect sense to Edward. "Thanks guys," he said. "Is it alright if we go and see her?"

"Can't see why not." The doctor shrugged. "After all, she was only bleeding everywhere for no known reason, so it should be fine for you to visit her."

The stark white hospital room seemed cold and unfeeling, and the lean form of Jennifer Camudekyu appeared small against the crisp bedsheets.

"Hi everyone," she said as the trio filed in.

"I'm glad you're okay," Kesiah said happily. "Do you want to tell us what happened to you? The doctor said you were a chimera!"

"She's a chimera!" Edward gasped, apparently having forgotten that part of the conversation.

"Yes," Camudekyu said with great sadness, as crystaline tears began to seep from her eyes. "I was an experiment in the Fifth Laboratory, a part of project Camudimera. I mightn't look it," she continued, flicking an ear and twitching her tail, "but I'm actually part cat."

Alphonse gasped at this and Edward looked surprised. Kesiah, however, smiled and said softly, "I knew it. From the moment I met you, I could sense there was something special about you. But that's not all, is it?"

Camudekyu nodded. "I was also trained to use alchemy, which is why I'm also known as the Flying Alchemist."

"You're a State Alchemist?" Edward asked in surprise.

"No."

"But then, why do you have a State title?"

"So your alchemy power is to fly?" Kesiah asked, ignoring Edward. "Can you show me?"

"Of course," Camudekyu said. She pulled herself out of the hospital bed, and it became aparent that she was not wearing a hospital gown, but her own clothing, miraculously blood-free of course. She clapped her hands together lightly, then placed them on her shoulders. There was a burst of brilliant gold alchemic energy that enveloped her entire body, and Kesiah gasped as she saw Camudekyu's eyes changed to a beautiful glowing amethyst – the colour, not the rock. After all, it would be rather strange if her eyes had changed into stones, Kesiah told herself.

Once the impressive display of overly-described special effects was complete, Kesiah was surprised to see that Camudekyu had lifted off of the ground and was floating above them. A faint, pulsing, golden light could be seen coming from her back, and at the right angle, it almost resembled a pair of wings.

"That's amazing!" Alphonse exclaimed. "You can fly, even though there's absolutly no way that alchemy would allow that!"

"And you can do alchemy without a circle," Edward said. "Why is it that everyone seems to be able to do that now? At this rate I'm going to lose the one thing that-" But he was cut off as Camudekyu suddenly reverted to her normal form and crumpled to the floor, gasping for breath.

"What's wrong! Should I get a doctor?" Kesiah shrieked.

"No, it's alright," Camudekyu said. "You see, I have chronic fatigue sydrome and sometimes I just collapse randomly."

"That's horrible! Is there anything you can do about it?"

"I'm afraid not," the catgirl said sadly, "It affects me whenever I get too stressed, or if it's important to the plot."

"Oh," said Edward, not quite certain what to say to that. "So, uh, how is it that you can do alchemy without a circle?"

Crystaline tears welled up once more in Camudekyu's beautiful, soulful, brown eyes and trickled down her pale cheeks, only to fall and splash to the floor with tiny, mournful plinking noises. "I had a son, you see. A sweet, little, adorable son with dark brown eyes and beautiful blond hair."

"What happened to him?"

"He died shortly after he was born." More soulful, mournful, etc, tears fell to the floor, amid gasps of surprise from the watching State Alchemists.

"And you tried human transmutation to bring him back," Kesiah said in a hushed whisper, unhappy that she had not been given any lines for a while.

Camudekyu nodded sadly. "I was taken to the Gate, and when I woke up afterwards, my son wasn't my son and I was forever scarred by my mistake."

"What did you lose?"

Camudekyu sniffled and said softly, "Ever since that day, earlier this morning, I've had... weak ankles."

- - - - -

**The Return of the Author's Note**: Well that wraps this chapter up nicely. I did have another scene planned, but I think it'll work better in the next chapter, so you'll have to wait until then. Until then, feel free to let me know what you think of this fic - if you loved it, hated it, whatever – I'd like to know, and I'd like to know why. I love getting nitpicky feedback in particular, so feel free to do so if you like!


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note**: The Disclaimer is only in chapter one, as I don't really see the point in putting it at the beginning of every single chapter. Also, my beta reader is currently out of contact (to me at least) so while I have checked this myself for grammar and spelling errors, I'm fully aware that I may have missed something. Please feel free to point any mistakes out if you like.

- - - - -

**Chapter Two**

"Somewhere deep in Central, hidden away in an abandoned church of no known religion, far from prying eyes..."

"Lust? Why are you talking in the hallway?"

Lust looked around in annoyance. "Gluttony? What have I told you about speaking intelligently in fanfiction?"

Gluttony hesitated. "Not to?"

"So what do you say instead?"

"Sorry, Lust. 'I'm hungry'."

"That's better. You know you're not allowed to say anything outside of that. Honestly." Lust folded her arms over her ample cleavage and looked around. "Anyway, we have more important things to worry about. Where's Envy?"

Gluttony didn't answer, choosing instead to gnaw viciously on the remains of a termite infested altar.

"If you're going to be like that, then I'll find him myself," Lust said crossly and set off.

The search didn't take her long and lead her to a large courtyard filled with wildflowers growing in abundance. Envy was seating in the midst of a particularly vibrant patch, humming softly to himself. Lust stared. There was something very, very wrong with this picture, she decided.

"You're telling me something's wrong! That little brute's smelling _flowers_ and _humming_!"

Lust turned at the voice and found Greed standing nearby. "Forgive me for asking, but how did you read my mind and why aren't you dead?" she asked.

"I dunno. What part of the series is this in?"

"I'm not quite sure," Lust said with a frown. "But even if you aren't dead, why are you here?"

Greed shrugged. "No clue. Not even sure how I got here really, but I suppose I can always nip out the back and go back home if things turn ugly." He glanced at Envy. "Not that they haven't already."

They both watched as the green haired monster plucked at the tiny flowers, continually humming and muttering to himself.

"What do you think he's saying?" Greed asked.

"I'm not sure. Let's get closer."

The pair crept closer, and it became apparent that Envy was singing softly to himself while plucking the petals from flowers. "She loves me! She loves me not. She loves me! She loves me not. She loves me!" He stopped and stared in delight at the completely de-petaled flower. "She really does love me!"

Greed shook his head sadly. "He's dying. Lack of red stones or something. They say the mind goes just before you melt into a puddle of red goo."

"Well I suppose it would be entertaining." They watched for a while on the off chance that Envy started melting suddenly, but were interrupted by Sloth entering with a large group of people.

"There you are. I've been looking all over," she stated. "We've got some new recruits."

"You mean that someone else committed the ultimate sin? Again?" Greed rolled his eyes behind his shades. "Don't these fans ever learn?"

"Shush. Well then, Sloth, how about you let us see the newcomers," Lust said softly.

At this, a teenaged boy perked up and grinned at Lust. "You're named after sins, right?"

Lust smiled. "We homunculi are the greatest sin an alchemist can commit. Our names reflect that. I'm Lust. The one you came in with is Sloth and this is Greed and Envy. Unfortunately the names Wrath, Gluttony and Pride are taken, so you'll have to pick something else."

The boy grinned in delight. "I'm gonna be... Sodomy!"

"Jason! You'll be no such thing!"

"Aww, Mum! Why not?"

"Now, now Margaret. I'm sure the boy's only joking," said a large, jovial man. "Isn't that right son?"

"Daddy! Daddy! I want some candy! Daddy!" Greed stared at the screeching little girl and thanked whatever gods there were that he was incapable of having children.

"Well then I'll be Bestiality!"

"Jason!"

"What about Statutory Rape then?"

"Come on, son. You're nineteen, it wouldn't work anyway."

"DADDY!"

Greed stated at Sloth. "Did Dante go crazy? Why are we keeping these people? Where did they all come from? You can't tell me that someone tried to bring back an _entire family_." He hesitated. "Can you?"

"Apparently so. There was one other, but I don't think it had anything to do with the family. Wait a minute." Sloth popped open the top button on her blouse and pushed a hand in, fished around in her cleavage for a moment, then withdrew a sleeping baby with an audible pop.

"And stay out," came Wrath's slightly muffled voice.

"Do I even want to know what you keep in there?" Greed asked. He eyed Lust's top and arched an eyebrow. "Can you-"

"Don't even think about it."

"This baby was a separate incident," Sloth continued, ignoring them both. "Dante has decided to keep an eye on both of the alchemists involved. They're working closely with the Elric brothers, so it shouldn't be too hard to push them in the right direction."

Lust nodded. "I'd send Envy out to watch them but..." She glanced at the homunculus. He'd somehow gotten his hands on a piece of paper and a pencil and seemed to be writing something while muttering to himself.

"Don't worry about it. I've already send the best of the new homunculi out after them. They're a master of disguise and should have no problems getting close to them. Chances are the alchemists won't even know they're there."

"Even better than the abomination over there?" Greed said, hooking a thumb in Envy's direction.

Sloth nodded and turned back to the new homunculi. "I'll get these sorted out. You should get back to work." She looked down at the baby she was hold as if she had only just noticed it. Greed half expected her to shove it back where she'd found it, but instead she passed it to Jason's mother.

"Come along. We'll go see Dante about what to do with you."

"Well good riddance to them," Greed said. "You really think that just one alchemist managed that many homunculi?"

"Even if they didn't, it just means that there's a few more people we can drive to search for the Philosopher's Stone-"

She was cut off as Envy leapt to his feet, paper in hand. "Oh my lovely angel, my muse of light and beauty! I ask that you grace me with your touch, your pure voice and sweet words! I know that you know not who I am, but know that I know that you have known suffering and pain. And I would do anything to take it from you! Oh my angel, my heart! My sweet, my love! Love your secret admirer, who is definitely not a murderous psycho. Ex oh ex oh ex oh." Then, having declaimed the cryptic message, the homunculus ran off, leaving behind a stunned Lust and Greed.

Greed shook his head sadly. "Red goo, I tell you. Nothing for it."

- - - - -

A shocked silence filled the hospital room at Camudekyu's confession. Kesiah blinked her chocolate brown eyes – sorry, orbs – in sorrow as a single, perfect tear slipped past her long, delicate, overly-described lashes.

"I know how you feel," she burst out, "for I too have committed the greatest sin."

"You have?" Edward asked, aghast at this confession. His eyes were drawn to the solitary tear that traced a path down her cheek and his hand half rose as if to brush it away.

Kesiah smiled sadly and continued. "It was when I was very young, my family was killed in a tragic accident."

"What happened?" Alphonse asked in a hushed voice.

"It doesn't matter," she said. "Anyway, they all died when I was three. It was horribly traumatic and I was all alone, as the only family I had left was my evil stepmother who would beat me everyday for being prettier than her."

"Gosh," Edward said.

"I knew I couldn't keep living like that, so I ran away. It was then that I decided to try and bring my family back."

"So you attempted human transmutation," Camudekyu said from where she was still sprawled on the floor.

Kesiah nodded and another delicate tear slid free from her lashes. Edward stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to tell us if you don't want to," he said.

"No, I'm alright." She smiled up at him before continuing her tale. "I tried to bring them all back. My mother, my father, Jason, my little sister – what was her name again? Not to mention our three goldfish, two hamsters and the cat."

"That must have been horrib- wait, you tried to bring back your pets?" Edward said, understandably confused.

Kesiah looked at him and tears began to well up once more in her deep brown orbs. Between her and Camudekyu, Edward was beginning to think he ought to carry a mop and bucket around with him.

"Ed! How can you say that to her? Kesiah's been through a lot, you should try being a bit more sympathetic to other people's suffering!" Alphonse snapped.

"You're right, Al. Everything we've been through, everything we've lost – our mother, your body, my arm and leg – it must seem all so pathetic against what she's had to go through... Uh, what _has _she lost, anyway?"

Kesiah took a deep breath, causing her modest cleavage to lift slightly. "I too have paid a price to the Gate. You see, both my hands are automail. I had the surgery when I was only five, because even though they normally don't do such harsh procedures on children, they knew I was different."

"That must have been so hard on you," Edward said in a soft voice, looking deeply into Kesiah's chocolate orbs. He noticed that they had little golden flecks around the pupil that shone with a strange light.

"It was," she replied, staring back into his golden discs of intelligence and kindness.

"It must have been so painful, but I know you wouldn't have cried once during the surgery," he said, leaning forward slightly, drowning in the molten chocolate pools of sadness.

"I didn't," she answered, lost in his amber optics without a map or any hope of rescue.

Edward opened his mouth to spout another nonsensical description of her eyes, but was cut off when he leaned forward a little too far, lost his balance and smacked his forehead against Kesiah's.

"Um, brother? If you're done, we should probably get out of the hospital now. All the doctors and nurses are staring."

"You're right, Al. But where are we going to go now?" He rubbed at the growing bruise on his forehead and glared at one of the doctors.

"I'm kind of hungry," Camudekyu said as she was being helped of the floor by Kesiah.

"Me too," Alphonse said, having momentarily forgotten that he didn't need to eat. "I know, because it was brother's fault that Kesiah ran off and Camudekyu got randomly injured in the first place, how about we pay for your lunch? And by we, I mean brother, of course."

"That sounds great! Let's go!"

"Well alright," Edward grumbled. He wasn't sure he could stand it if he said 'no' and Kesiah started crying _again_. He followed the trio out of the hospital and into the streets of Central.

"You think those nice hospital staff will tell anyone that stuff we were saying about attempting human transmutation?" Kesiah asked innocently.

"Why would they? It's not a crime, right?" Camudekyu answered.

"You're right, I was just being silly."

- - - - -

"That was a wonderful meal, Edward." Kesiah smiled happily at him and Edward felt his cheeks colour.

"Thanks," he muttered.

The group were making their way back to Central Headquarters to meet up with Colonel Mustang. Kesiah was hoping that he would let Camudekyu work with them in their quest to find the Philosopher's Stone and Alphonse had pointed out that they should probably tell the Colonel where they had been for the past few hours.

Camudekyu glanced at the rapidly setting sun and commented, "We'd better hurry; it's getting dark."

"But wasn't it just lunchtime?" Edward wondered, though he was ignored by the others.

"Cam's right, besides, it's dangerous to wander the streets at night," Kesiah said. She shivered slightly. "And it's getting cold." She jumped as she felt something warm wrap around her, and turned to find Edward slipping his coat over her shoulders.

"You don't want to catch a chill," he mumbled.

"Oh Ed..."

"Ow, my ankles!" Camudekyu cried suddenly, as she tripped and fell.

"Camudekyu!" Alphonse rushed to her side. "Are you alright?"

The cat-girl shook her head sadly. "I can't walk. You'll have to leave me."

"We can't do that!" Kesiah cried loudly. "It's awfully dark and dangerous now!"

She was right, Edward realised. In the few moments that had passed the sun had gone down and the moon had risen, leaving them stranded in a pool of light from the streetlight overhead. Then, almost as if sensing Kesiah's loudly broadcast distress, a figure stepped out of a convenient nearby alleyway and strode purposely towards the group.

"Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist. God's judgement shall be passed upon you."

"Scar! What are you doing here?" Edward snarled, unconsciously taking a defensive stance.

The alchemist killer paused, looking momentarily confused. "I'm not certain," he said, "aren't I supposed to be travelling with the Ishbalans at this point?" He shook his head. "It hardly matters; you shall be punished for your sins!"

Kesiah screamed as Scar lunged at Edward, his right arm glowing a vibrant red in the darkness. Edward clapped his hands together as his threw himself sideways and brilliant blue light filled the street as he transmuted a spear from the ground and spun to face Scar.

"Brother!" Alphonse cried. "We have to help him!"

"I suppose you're right," Camudekyu agreed. She pulled herself to her feet, her injured ankles forgotten, and clapped her hands together before touching them to her shoulders. A golden light surrounded her and she gracefully lifted off the ground. "Scar's no match for me, I know ninjitsu!" she declared, swooping towards him.

Scar turned as he heard this cry, but not fast enough to dodge as Camudekyu pointed her toes and delivered a snap kick to his jaw, miraculously avoiding breaking her toes in the process. Edward stared in slack-jawed amazement as Scar staggered backwards from the blow, his sense of self-preservation on the fritz. "That's incredible!" he said.

"I know," Camudekyu said modestly.

Scar shook his head and glared at Camudekyu. "You are hindering God's will," he said. He spun and thrust his right arm against a nearby building, then dove at Edward.

Camudekyu turned to follow him but paused as a shadow appeared above her. She looked up and had enough time to scream as large chunks of the building Scar had deconstructed fell on her.

"Oh no!" Alphonse yelled. "Camudekyu's hurt!"

"I'd be more worried about Edward if I were you," Kesiah said, pointing. Scar had backed Edward against a wall and, as the alchemist swung his right arm to hit him, caught and deconstructed the automail.

"Brother!" Alphonse turned to Kesiah. "Aren't you going to do something! You're just watching!"

"But what could I do? I'm not a good fighter or anything." A tear slipped free from Kesiah's left eye and splashed to the ground.

Alphonse stared. "But aren't you an alchemist?"

"Oh yeah!" She placed a hand over her cute little mouth and giggled. "Oopsie!"

Before Alphonse could comment on how someone could forget if they're an alchemist or not, Kesiah clapped her gloved hands together and touched them to her stomach. The moment she did so, pure white wings burst forth from her back and she was enveloped in a silverly light. A faint celestial choir began to play somewhere and the Kashou Tenshi Alchemist walked slowly towards Edward and Scar, who had been standing around discussing the weather while she transformed.

"What is it with transforming alchemist girls anyway," Edward wondered aloud. "Since when did alchemy allow that?"

Kesiah ignored him and turned to face Scar. "Leave us alone!" she told him, "or I'll have to punish you in the name of alchemy!"

"I know you," Scar said. "You're the Kashou Tenshi, or Singing Angel Alchemist." He shook his head. "It seems a shame to kill one so young and beautiful, but I have sworn to kill all State Alchemists, so you must die!"

"You leave me with no choice then," Kesiah said solemnly. The sounds of the choir rose and turned into a not-so-celestial pop band, as she opened her mouth to sing.

"Itsumo na shi shandy! Kimmie gah itai! And something about breathing! Boku it's a enough for me! Lalalalala, lalalalala! How strong do I have to be before nothing can hurt anything! Mayo wazoo! And I'm a believer! And I love this wound that won't heal! Futariwa something else in Japanese! Because we can't go back and rewrite history! Lala, laaaa, la! The song's named Indelible Sin! Darling!"

Scar stared as Kesiah finished singing and the light of her alchemy faded, taking her beautiful wings and the pop band with it.

"That was," he began.

"It was beautiful!" Edward gushed. "Now I know why they call you the Singing Angel Alchemist!"

Scar stared at Edward's comment, then looked at Kesiah. "I see there is an even greater danger here. I shall leave you until such a time that you have regained your senses, Edward Elric. But do not think I have forgotten your crimes," he said, and with that cryptic statement, turned and fled.

"I wonder what he meant by that," Kesiah said.

"Does it matter?" Edward asked. "You saved me from Scar! Oh, Kesiah..."

"Edward..." She found herself drawn into his honey coloured gaze. Her lips parted slightly and her eyes began to close as she tilted her upwards and Edward leaned down...

"Uh, guys? Sorry to interrupt, but don't you think we should see if Camudekyu is okay?" Alphonse said. "She was kinda buried under a lot of rubble."

"Oh, right." Edward pulled away from Kesiah and looked around. "I guess we'd better start digging then."

"Right," Kesiah said, sighing. Perhaps next time, she told herself. She turned her attention on the pile of debris. "I hope Cam's okay."

"I'm over here."

Kesiah spun around to see the cat-girl sitting quite comfortably on a nearby piece of wreckage. "Cam! You're okay! How did you manage to get out?"

Camudekyu shrugged. "Someone pulled me out of the way at the last minute. I couldn't see who it was though."

"So, what were you doing while brother and Kesiah were fighting?" Alphonse asked.

"Oh, I was watching. I didn't want to get in the way."

"Well it hardly matters now," Kesiah said. "I'm more interested in what that piece of paper you're holding is."

Camudekyu glanced down at it. "My rescuer gave it to me before they ran away, but it's too dark to read it."

"You can look at it later," Edward said. "Right now, we should be getting off the streets. Scar isn't the only dangerous person in the city you know."

"Right," the others agreed. They began to make their way through the dimly lit streets when Alphonse thought he heard a noise. He glanced around to see if the others had noticed, but they were already some distance ahead.

"I know I heard something," he muttered. It came again, a soft mewling noise that sounded nearby. "Is there someone there?" Alphonse asked doubtfully. He crept towards the noise and gasped when he found its source. A small cat was limping pitifully along the street, one paw raised above the ground.

"You're hurt!" the younger brother Elric exclaimed, swiftly gathering the cat into his arms. "I'd better look after you. Besides, this story wouldn't be complete without a comical cat moment!" He opened the clasps holding the breastplate on the armour closed and tucked the cat inside, where it began to meow forlornly. Alphonse shushed it and hurried after his brother and the two girls, confident that no one would notice the cat until the plot needed it. Until then, he'd at the very least have something to keep him busy while Kesiah and Camudekyu stole the spotlight.

- - - - -

**End Notes:** So far so good, though I'm not so sure about the ending of this chapter. Still, the story itself is picking up momentum, which makes things easier for me. Who'd have thought writing endless, clichéd descriptions of someone's eyes would be so difficult?


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